I Broke Down Over Jocelyn

During the hours spent at the orphanage I tried my best to "keep it together" in front of the kids. I was sad for them most of the time but didn't want to make them feel pitied or even more sad because I had emotions that needed to come out. I certainly cried at night when back in my bunk, but tried to stay positive in front of them. But one breakdown managed to sneak out...

Jocelyn was a young man that Danita had brought back to the orphanage from PAP. He said he was 23, but I'm guessing he was still under 18? His leg had been amputated below the knee. Every day he sat in a plastic chair just outside the cafeteria with his stump laid up on another plastic chair in front of him. Every day. Sometimes he sat alone, sometimes with a crowd of other kids listening to his stories, and sometimes with one or two of my team members just keeping him company.

He couldn't speak English, but seemed to display an array of emotional weight in his countenance & in his eyes. He smiled often, but it looked like a tired smile. He looked bored. He looked pensive. He was mourning in a quiet way.

After a dressing change at his amputation sight, I sat with him to keep him company. He was in pain, physically, and kept trying to soothe his aching leg. I decided to give him a hand massage to try and distract him from the pain. I worked on both his hands for probably 15 minutes and his countenance never lifted. He crumpled over his own lap and with a strained look pointed to his lower back. I thought- "well, ya... this boy's been sitting in the same chair, same position for days, I bet his back hurts!" So I started to massage his back from shoulders to kidneys. The more I tried to soothe his sore muscles, the further he crumpled over hugging his legs.

I couldn't help it... I started to bawl. I felt so much ache for this young man. I was mourning alongside him, knowing he hurt both physically and emotionally. I sooo did not want him to see me crying. He was face to the ground. My hands were at work so I couldn't wipe away my tears, so I just let them fall. And the swell of tears grew heavier and heavier. Others on my team passed by and a few of the medical people too-- they gave me a knowing look and joined in my mourning. In some ways I felt I was weeping tears that Jocelyn himself couldn't weep yet.

I heard from the orphanage staff that he was in his house with his mom during the earthquake. That he tried to save her but was stuck. That she died. That he was saved, but lost his leg. He was a handsome young man... who lost a loved one, lost even a part of himself, and was trying to find a way to cope in a new place, a new home, with new friends.

Pray for Jocelyn. Pray for psychological healing & for safe healing of his wound. Pray for his adjustment to a new life as an amputee. Pray for the mourning of his mother. Pray that Jesus draws this young man into a life-saving relationship with Himself. Weep for him and with him. And pray for God's comfort to speak volumes into his life.