An Unlikely (or Unexpected) God-Story

Back in January, I was having my quiet time after New Year's and reflecting back on how incredibly different my life is in 2010 versus 2000. Lots of praising God for the immense work He's done in completely 180-ing my life in that decade. I mean, my life was ridiculous in 2000. Didn't know the Lord (for SURE!), didn't live in Austin, wasn't married, was running around with boys, a drunk, materialistic, anti-religious athiest, mom was alive, sister was alive, you name it... Anyway, I was truly marveling and how He can redeem and purify my life.

Then I started forward praying... wondering how He might change my life even more over the NEXT 10 years. What would I be celebrating after New Year's in 2020?! How could He possibly do MORE than He has already done?! (Not that I think I am "complete", but just thinking He's taken care of so many "majors".) So, as I was praying and wondering, I literally wrote: "I guess if You're gonna MAKE us have kids, that would happen sometime in the next decade cuz I am getting 'old'."

As soon as I wrote that in my prayer journal, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper... "How bout you talk to Me (God) about that?" Uhhhh, what?! I was shocked. And a little freaked out. So, I immediately started prayer-journaling (for 7pgs) about all the reasons why I didn't want kids, had never wanted kids (as in, never in my entire life), was scared to have to kids, felt called to not have kids, etc. Page after page, I poured out my heart to God with every rational and irrational excuse I could think of.

When I got the end of my pleading and talking, again I felt the Holy Spirit whisper... "Is that all? Cuz I am bigger than all of that." With eyes bulging, lump in throat, I closed my Bible & journal and went to find Andy in the other room. "Uhhh, Andy, we need to talk."

I started to tell him everything that had just happened-- the whole blow by blow-- and the entire time he's listening, he has this strange smile/smirk on his face. His response was so strange to me that I finally asked: "What's the deal?! Have you been praying for God to change my heart about all this or something?!" He adamantly denied it, saying "NO! I swear!!! ... but God started to talking to me about the same thing just a few days ago in my quiet time." I started bawling (the freak-out kind of crying). What does all this mean?!!?

So we both talked through (really, I cried through) the 100s of reasons why kids weren't for us. All our fears. All our selfishness. All our desires for how we envisioned our life together. But we ultimately couldn't deny God was speaking to us about it with a new agenda for the first time. Andy suggested we both take a week to separately explore it in prayer and the Word and talk to a few people about the potential shift. At the end of the 7 days we'd reconvene on the subject and see what we thought God was saying.

It was a strange and scary 7 days. But ultimately at its close, neither of us could deny what God was saying... He was asking us to have kids. Ouch. This was a total paradigm shift for me and completely foreign to even THINK about! But I couldn't ignore what was plain and clear, His call was real. And I (oddly) had a great peace about it... despite all my fears. If God was calling us to it, then I felt sure I could trust Him, even if it made no sense to me.

I immediately asked Andy if I could "have" 6 months to let the shift sink in before we did anything about it. But in his wisdom, Andy said if God has made His call clear, we shouldn't delay in responding. But in God's great mercy, He gave me 7 months before we actually conceived. In that time, He did a lot of work in me, helping me come to terms with a new game plan.

Now, I'm more than half way through my pregnancy. We are having a little girl in March. I still needed all the time I've gotten so far during pregnancy to continue to process. There is a LOT I am having to mourn & let go of. And there are plenty of dreams I am having to pray about assimilating our kids into. We don't feel a game change in our unique ministry calls. We certainly don't feel kids change our focus on serving the Lord FIRST. But I recognize there is a lot I am gonna have to learn as we go...

So, that's our unlikely story. But isn't it just like God?! I can only find comfort & peace when I trust & lean into Him about the whole thing.

Celebrating 4 Years!

While Andy and I were traveling in Turkey, we happened to be there on our 4th anniversary. As we had been working during the nights with so much focus since our arrival, my one request was simply a fun dinner out at a traditional Turkish show. Our hotel recommended a dinner show called “Sultana: The Story of the Sultan’s Harem”, which was all acted out in traditional songs and dances and costumes. We somehow convinced our good friend Umut to join us (because after a few days of non-stop Melvins he was pretty much a part of the family). When the curtains went up, we were treated to 3 bellydancing acts, 3 traditional men-women Turkish dances, a re-enactment of the mother of the sultan’s selection process for the woman from the harem for her son, and then a very bizarre re-enactment of the seduction dance between the sultan and his harem women, ending with a chorus of all the characters dancing and singing. It was certainly entertaining… awkward at times, funny at times, interesting at times.

Here is Andy and I with Umut after the show on the roof of our hotel looking out over Istanbul. The whole rooftop restaurant was made of glass in a 360 degree view and even the ceiling was glass. I watched the sunset up there the night before. It was gorgeous!

Below, I posted 2 videos, one of the bellydancers parading in a group before the sultana and the other of the “seduction dance” which was performed by two strangely costumed men (just watch… it’s weird looking!). The men have painted faces on their stomachs and fake arms hanging off their waists, and the arm head area of their real bodies is tucked into hat-like things. The whole dance I was so confused and maybe a little afraid that I forgot to video until the last 7 seconds... but luckily I caught the surpirse ending!